A Place I Don't Feel Lost - bsg, anders/chief, pg13

[krickets]

title: a place i don't feel lost
fandom, pairing, rating: bsg, anders/chief, pg13
a/n, prompt, wordcount: written for the bsg_slashathon here, earth, 793
And "forgiveness" @ 12_stories



The ground outside is the opposite of chaos - drab, grey, dead - like someone just flipped a switch and the world turned off - like the colonies back home, abandoned now in the dead of space.

"Why do I feel like we're back where we started?" Sam says next to Galen in the back of the Raptor before either of them have set one foot on what is sure to be compromised soil.

"Because we are," Galen says, his fingers squeezing Sam's knee momentarily before the Raptor door opens and a gust of cold air washes over them. "We are."

They stay.

They stay because they don't yet know what fruits this dead land might bring them. But mostly? They stay because they don't know where to go next. Teams go out in search of some sign of life, others are sent with the tools to collect whatever resources lay buried deep in the Earth. But Sam and Galen are left behind at base camp. They still hold their ranks, petty officer and ensign, but the truth is that no one really trusts them. Not anymore.

Galen pitches his tent in the heart of the destruction, just beyond the spine of what looks like some fallen religious temple and far away from the others. He says the sound of the waves help Nicky fall asleep at night, that his son just hasn't slept the same since Cally. No one questions this or complains. His outbursts and strange behaviors have only gotten worse and they're glad not to be reminded of how much they used to believe in him. (Though most still call him Chief.)

Sam waits for his cue. He waits because Galen no longer talks to him in the mess tent, won't even look at him, and one night when Sam tries to sneak into the isolated tent, Galen pulls away, tells him that things just can't be the same anymore, not now, now that people know. They would be seen as conspirators.

Sam doesn't say anything about Caprica and Tigh being welcomed as a family by the whole of the fleet, the child in her stomach growing every day, and how the former prisoner is even making friends, being treated as an equal. He doesn't remind him that Kara and Leoben, often seen walking together at night, no longer draw any attention. Sam doesn't tell him that he misses his skin, the way Galen's hands curve on his hips when they move together, that he misses the warmth of sleeping beside him. He doesn't tell him that he misses holding Nicky in his lap over breakfast, the taste of Galen's shitty coffee, the way he smiles at his son, being a small part of their family. Instead he stares at the ground, places a firm hand on Galen's shoulder, his back to Sam, and tells him, "I can wait."

Time passes, and the cold gives way to warmer weather, still a slight chill on the air. Maybe this place isn't the nightmare they'd come to believe it was. Maybe it could be a home.

Sam sits in the mess tent watching Nicky digging in the dirt in an open space where Hera and the other (human) children play. The hybrid boy's short clumsy fingers don't seem to slow him down as he digs the end of his stick into the earth next to another boy who is doing the same. Sam marvels that the other children don't seem to know that he and Hera are different, and if they do, they don't show it. Hera giggles, her curls reflecting the light from the noonday sun, and she rolls a ball to a little blond girl that reminds him so much of Kara.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Galen is beside him now, and Sam notes his hair has grown back out and tries to pretend that this is normal, that this isn't the first word they've shared in months.

"It's beautiful," Sam says.

"We could start a little league team," Galen observes, sitting close enough to Sam so that their legs touch.

Sam closes his eyes and shivers imperceptibly, Galen's warmth penetrating him. "I can't remember the last time I even thought of pyramid."

"Maybe it's time, then," Galen says, and Sam can't help but feel he's talking about more than just the game. Galen doesn't say any more, stands and collects Nicky in his arms and walks in the direction of their tent.

Sam watches them walk away and feels full and surrounded by life, the exact opposite of that first cold step he'd taken on this planet. "Maybe it's time," he says, repeating Galen's words as he pushes himself up and finds his legs following the path of Galen's footprints. "Maybe."

-fin