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kricketstitle, rating: tie a knot around your middle, pg13
fandom, pairing, count: lost, sawyer/claire, 1181
notes: written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
slybrunette who gave me prompts over text message!, submission for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
lostfichallenge free-for-all, beta read by kmousie, who is always there for me on nights like this one! Also written for prompt "loyalty" at 12_stories
She sleeps so close, presses herself so tightly against him that he swears if she gets any closer she’ll sink inside his skin, disappear completely, and become a part of him – a needless, yet somehow vital, organ, the blood pulsing in his veins, a piece of his soul.
-
When Sawyer brings her back, the days have been so many, each one longer than the rest, that he is half-afraid she might not remember, like the last time her trail went cold, afraid that he’ll have to tie a knot around her middle and another around his wrist, just to keep her from getting lost again.
But Claire had smiled when she saw him, and then came hot tears and her hand warm in his palm.
Days later, she’s still by his side.
-
The first days she sleeps, as though her natural rhythms are slightly askew. Sawyer stays close by the tent, waiting, knowing she’ll come looking for him the second she opens her eyes.
Questions are whispered into his ear. What happened to her?
“I don’t know,” he says again and again, until they stop asking.
Rose gets it. Of course she does. And it comes as no surprise to Sawyer when he overhears them one afternoon, the sun high in the sky, when she brings Claire a bundle of clothing and other sundries she’d been without for too long.
“You haven’t asked where I’ve been.” Claire says. A question. Why?
“It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, baby doll,” Rose answers, “just that you’re here now.”
Before Rose leaves, Sawyer calls her name, stops her on the path. He wants to thank her, to tell her that he’s glad she’s here, but the words won’t come and Rose puts a hand to his cheek.
“You just take care of her,” she says. “And I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
-
Nights, Claire pulls the hair away from her face, changes into soft cotton while his back is turned, and asks him to stay.
And every time, he does.
-
They don’t rest, the others. They’re still pretending it’s like before, like someone somewhere knows how to find them somehow. Like any of the answers they seek in the trees might actually mean something. They organize hikes, make speeches, assign tasks. Even with Jack gone, they somehow find a voice to lead.
Sawyer won’t go, can’t. Because Claire squeezes his hand, pleads with eyes like pools. Don’t leave me.
Charlotte marches across the beach, angry footfalls and sharp angles, pursed lips. Juliet watches, quiet and calm next to Miles.
Charlotte needs convincing. They both know better.
She makes demands, reminds him of his responsibility to these people, how it looks when he sits back and does nothing. Her hand flexes in a fist at her side, but Daniel’s soft touch beside her brings her back.
Sawyer tells her there ain’t nothin’ to be done but to try and live, to make a life now, tells her the only thing that going off into the jungle will do is help to dig another grave.
In the days that follow, camp falls silent with the knowledge that he is right.
-
She’s broken.
That much he can see.
Claire draws circles in the sand and bites the corners of her lips. In rare glimpses, Sawyer can see the life flicker back into her eyes and out again.
He isn’t Jack. He doesn’t want to fix her, but he does want her to be better, in her own way, on her own time.
He just wants her to be okay.
-
Rose dies.
It’s as simple as that.
One day she’s bringing Claire fresh fruit and needling Miles about his manners, and the next? She’s just not.
Claire cries, the rims around her eyes red with grief, and Sawyer hates to admit that he is almost happy to see it. Anything to see that she can feel.
At the funeral, when she goes to Bernard, kisses him on the cheek, tells him how much Rose meant to her, meant to everyone, Sawyer breathes a little easier, feels a little more steady on his feet.
“She’s coming around,” Juliet observes, and Sawyer nods.
“She is,” he agrees. She is.
-
When Claire changes, that night, she doesn’t ask Sawyer to turn around, and he doesn’t offer.
“What’s it about death that makes you realize how incredibly alive you are?” she asks, flexing her fingers slowly, open and closed again, the yellow glow from the candle silhouetting her against the walls of their tiny shelter.
Sawyer slips his fingers into hers with the motion, and pulls her to him, sure and gentle.
Claire kisses him then, and Sawyer lets her, opens his mouth and finds hers warm and wet and hungry, finds his hands tangled in her mess of hair. And when she wraps herself around him on their bed on the floor, he lets her do that too. He smoothes his hands down her sides, trailing his fingertips along her skin. She shivers. And when he turns her over, presses inside, she takes a sharp breath, closes her eyes, and pulls him closer.
Closer.
And closer still.
-
When the first baby is born, it is a symbol of something better, something greater than themselves, something good come of all this. Like Aaron’s birth had once done, the child brings hope.
Juliet can’t explain it. She doesn’t even try. But Daniel offers another of his theories, a shift of balance, a rightening of the world, the order of the universe in line again, somehow.
Sawyer watches as Claire takes her turn with the tiny baby girl, her smile as big as he’d only seen it once before. She carries her over, slips the sleeping newborn into his arms, as light as air.
“They’ve named her Rose,” she tells him, and Sawyer feels his heart rise in his throat, grief and awe both.
“Rose,” he whispers, and she stirs slightly at his voice, gravelly and full of emotion. “Y’got a lot to live up to, kid.”
-
It’s nightfall and Claire walks barefoot through the sand, with Sawyer watching from his perch on a nearby rock.
“We moved,” she says, looking out across the darkened ocean. “I saw the stars change.”
He reaches for her, his hand twining in hers. It is true that they don’t talk about what happened, why she calls for her father while she sleeps, the fact that Aaron is gone. So when Claire talks about the stars, a fact that Daniel had spoken of often in the days after the sky turned white, Sawyer listens.
That’s when he stops apologizing – for not coming for her sooner, for not keeping her safe in the first place. Those words have formed so many times on his lips, the sound not ever coming out quite like he intends. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Is what he means to say, always.
But he doesn’t need to say it anymore, not even in his head.
She’s better now.
She’s okay.
-fin.
fandom, pairing, count: lost, sawyer/claire, 1181
notes: written for
slybrunette who gave me prompts over text message!, submission for lostfichallenge free-for-all, beta read by kmousie, who is always there for me on nights like this one! Also written for prompt "loyalty" at 12_storiesShe sleeps so close, presses herself so tightly against him that he swears if she gets any closer she’ll sink inside his skin, disappear completely, and become a part of him – a needless, yet somehow vital, organ, the blood pulsing in his veins, a piece of his soul.
-
When Sawyer brings her back, the days have been so many, each one longer than the rest, that he is half-afraid she might not remember, like the last time her trail went cold, afraid that he’ll have to tie a knot around her middle and another around his wrist, just to keep her from getting lost again.
But Claire had smiled when she saw him, and then came hot tears and her hand warm in his palm.
Days later, she’s still by his side.
-
The first days she sleeps, as though her natural rhythms are slightly askew. Sawyer stays close by the tent, waiting, knowing she’ll come looking for him the second she opens her eyes.
Questions are whispered into his ear. What happened to her?
“I don’t know,” he says again and again, until they stop asking.
Rose gets it. Of course she does. And it comes as no surprise to Sawyer when he overhears them one afternoon, the sun high in the sky, when she brings Claire a bundle of clothing and other sundries she’d been without for too long.
“You haven’t asked where I’ve been.” Claire says. A question. Why?
“It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, baby doll,” Rose answers, “just that you’re here now.”
Before Rose leaves, Sawyer calls her name, stops her on the path. He wants to thank her, to tell her that he’s glad she’s here, but the words won’t come and Rose puts a hand to his cheek.
“You just take care of her,” she says. “And I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
-
Nights, Claire pulls the hair away from her face, changes into soft cotton while his back is turned, and asks him to stay.
And every time, he does.
-
They don’t rest, the others. They’re still pretending it’s like before, like someone somewhere knows how to find them somehow. Like any of the answers they seek in the trees might actually mean something. They organize hikes, make speeches, assign tasks. Even with Jack gone, they somehow find a voice to lead.
Sawyer won’t go, can’t. Because Claire squeezes his hand, pleads with eyes like pools. Don’t leave me.
Charlotte marches across the beach, angry footfalls and sharp angles, pursed lips. Juliet watches, quiet and calm next to Miles.
Charlotte needs convincing. They both know better.
She makes demands, reminds him of his responsibility to these people, how it looks when he sits back and does nothing. Her hand flexes in a fist at her side, but Daniel’s soft touch beside her brings her back.
Sawyer tells her there ain’t nothin’ to be done but to try and live, to make a life now, tells her the only thing that going off into the jungle will do is help to dig another grave.
In the days that follow, camp falls silent with the knowledge that he is right.
-
She’s broken.
That much he can see.
Claire draws circles in the sand and bites the corners of her lips. In rare glimpses, Sawyer can see the life flicker back into her eyes and out again.
He isn’t Jack. He doesn’t want to fix her, but he does want her to be better, in her own way, on her own time.
He just wants her to be okay.
-
Rose dies.
It’s as simple as that.
One day she’s bringing Claire fresh fruit and needling Miles about his manners, and the next? She’s just not.
Claire cries, the rims around her eyes red with grief, and Sawyer hates to admit that he is almost happy to see it. Anything to see that she can feel.
At the funeral, when she goes to Bernard, kisses him on the cheek, tells him how much Rose meant to her, meant to everyone, Sawyer breathes a little easier, feels a little more steady on his feet.
“She’s coming around,” Juliet observes, and Sawyer nods.
“She is,” he agrees. She is.
-
When Claire changes, that night, she doesn’t ask Sawyer to turn around, and he doesn’t offer.
“What’s it about death that makes you realize how incredibly alive you are?” she asks, flexing her fingers slowly, open and closed again, the yellow glow from the candle silhouetting her against the walls of their tiny shelter.
Sawyer slips his fingers into hers with the motion, and pulls her to him, sure and gentle.
Claire kisses him then, and Sawyer lets her, opens his mouth and finds hers warm and wet and hungry, finds his hands tangled in her mess of hair. And when she wraps herself around him on their bed on the floor, he lets her do that too. He smoothes his hands down her sides, trailing his fingertips along her skin. She shivers. And when he turns her over, presses inside, she takes a sharp breath, closes her eyes, and pulls him closer.
Closer.
And closer still.
-
When the first baby is born, it is a symbol of something better, something greater than themselves, something good come of all this. Like Aaron’s birth had once done, the child brings hope.
Juliet can’t explain it. She doesn’t even try. But Daniel offers another of his theories, a shift of balance, a rightening of the world, the order of the universe in line again, somehow.
Sawyer watches as Claire takes her turn with the tiny baby girl, her smile as big as he’d only seen it once before. She carries her over, slips the sleeping newborn into his arms, as light as air.
“They’ve named her Rose,” she tells him, and Sawyer feels his heart rise in his throat, grief and awe both.
“Rose,” he whispers, and she stirs slightly at his voice, gravelly and full of emotion. “Y’got a lot to live up to, kid.”
-
It’s nightfall and Claire walks barefoot through the sand, with Sawyer watching from his perch on a nearby rock.
“We moved,” she says, looking out across the darkened ocean. “I saw the stars change.”
He reaches for her, his hand twining in hers. It is true that they don’t talk about what happened, why she calls for her father while she sleeps, the fact that Aaron is gone. So when Claire talks about the stars, a fact that Daniel had spoken of often in the days after the sky turned white, Sawyer listens.
That’s when he stops apologizing – for not coming for her sooner, for not keeping her safe in the first place. Those words have formed so many times on his lips, the sound not ever coming out quite like he intends. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Is what he means to say, always.
But he doesn’t need to say it anymore, not even in his head.
She’s better now.
She’s okay.
-fin.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 04:45 am (UTC)This is just amazing!
Reading through it I thought every part was my favorite - paragraph one was my favorite then nope it's part 2, omg i love part 3 that's totally my favorite lol it's all so damn good! There's just the right amount of every emotion and it all feels very real.
I love the inclusion of all the other characters - Rose especially. And how they named the new baby after her! *clutches heart*
Sawyer is so perfect in this too, I especially love this line:
Sawyer tells her there ain’t nothin’ to be done but to try and live, to make a life now, tells her the only thing that going off into the jungle will do is help to dig another grave.
So true and I can so see him saying something like that.
I told you this before but I love how your stories just flow from one part to the next. It just gives you chills. Good chills :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 04:50 am (UTC)See when you leave huge comments like this it makes me feel like I need to write a long comment back.
Blah. Blah blah blah blah blah. Bla diddy blo didda blee. Etc. etc. And so on and so forth. Yadda yadda yadda...
And yay! You liked it!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 05:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 11:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 05:15 am (UTC)Oh, man, SAWYER! Beautiful line.
That little bit of a happy ending was great!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 11:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 04:45 pm (UTC)But: very happy with this story. Extremely. There are no words. Except apparently there are. And I will give them to you now.
She sleeps so close, presses herself so tightly against him that he swears if she gets any closer she’ll sink inside his skin, disappear completely, and become a part of him – a needless, yet somehow vital, organ, the blood pulsing in his veins, a piece of his soul.
That is a great hook. On the superficial level there's this sense of intimacy you get from it, but when you speak of how she wants, needs, to be a part of him, to be needed, to be that important, is both beautiful and speaks to human nature as well as to Claire's character.
Before Rose leaves, Sawyer calls her name, stops her on the path. He wants to thank her, to tell her that he’s glad she’s here, but the words won’t come and Rose puts a hand to his cheek.
You write Rose so well here. There's a few things that I love about her that you've captured so well: she's very intuitive and she's very motherly. It's something that's very much needed in this camp.
I love how you deal with Claire's return. How numb she is, how Sawyer doesn't want to fix her, he isn't that ambitious or fooled into truly thinking that's possible, he just wants her to be okay. How when she cries it's almost like it's a good thing because at least she's feeling, at least she's reacting. In situations like this anything is better than nothing.
“What’s it about death that makes you realize how incredibly alive you are?”
Such a very true line that works wonderfully here.
I love the way the baby symbolizes change, how it symbolizes almost a new day. Light amid the dark. And of course the name is great, including what Sawyer says about living up to it. It's a nice tribute. And works well with this whole circle of life that they started back in Season One with "Do No Harm".
This is, truly, my favorite on-island post S4 fic. Truly. Because you aren't afraid of the darkness, you aren't afraid to deal with that head on instead of just skimming over the fact that Claire would probably be messed up when she comes back. This feels very flowy, each part goes so well with the previous one. Never let it said that you are not a phenomonally talented and capable writer.
Wonderful work; thank you for writing this for me!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 05:29 pm (UTC)Re: That first paragraph. I kept moving that around. There was a place in the middle where I thought it might fit (chronologically) but it was the very first thing I had written and I thought it fit there best. So glad that worked for you.
And, oh you say such nice things! *blush* I keep trying to figure out a way to respond to your review but what it comes down to is that I am just incredibly incredibly flattered. These words mean so much coming from you, you have no idea. Thank you.
(And thank you for prompting me and encouraging me and all of that. I might just dig out of this rut yet. ♥!)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-11 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 12:15 am (UTC)But still, that was so great. I loved how you wrote Claire & Sawyer together. Him rescuing her & taking care of her, so wonderful! It's what needs to happen. I especially loved the part of Charlotte trying to get Sawyer to be a leader & no one really listening to her, lol. Nice touch with how you added Daniel having all of his theories
My favourite line was 'he’ll have to tie a knot around her middle and another around his wrist, just to keep her from getting lost again'. I love protective!Sawyer, especially when it comes to Claire.
That fic was just made of awesome. I can only hope season 5 of Lost will turn out this great for ConMama
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 04:16 am (UTC)I am so glad you liked it. I wish season 5 would turn out this way as well!
*crosses fingers*
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 03:32 am (UTC)And the parts with Rose slayed me.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-12 04:22 am (UTC)I'm so glad you liked this! I haven't written any lost since July, JULY! So this was a big step from me and I'm super stoked you dug it. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 03:44 am (UTC)I know what you mean. I haven't written much in the way of Lost fic (except femslash drabbles) since the beginning of summer. But I'm glad you came out of compositional-hiding for this :D
no subject
Date: 2008-11-13 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-13 03:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-14 01:35 pm (UTC)The best part, IMO:
and pulls him closer.
Closer.
And closer still.
The rhythm! OMG, the rhythm!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 07:08 am (UTC)Thank you so much.
*blush*
I'm just glad you liked it. Really.
Especially those three lines. I think I went to change them several times and finally stuck with what I had originally written. I'm glad it worked!
Thanks again, sweetie. You are just too nice. ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-15 09:11 pm (UTC)Man, I'm still reeling from the beauty of this. I happened to see this because SlyBrunette recommended it and I'm so glad I read it. Do you mind if I friend you, because I have a feeling I'll read whatever you write! You're so talented!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-20 11:11 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you enjoyed this!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-19 10:51 pm (UTC)And as for Sawyer... I love how four years ago, his behavior in this fic would have seemed so out of character for him. My, how he has evolved. This is great work.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-20 11:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-11-24 03:25 am (UTC)Why is it you don't write and post more often? I'd pay to get in every time!
no subject
Date: 2008-11-27 06:29 pm (UTC)