[fic] every road takes us farther from home; lost, jack/claire; r

[krickets]

every road takes us farther from home, r
lost, jack/claire; 1180
written for lenina20 for the five acts meme
was supposed to be comment fic, but it got a bit long
beta read by kmousie


"Do you remember when we met?" Claire asks him, her voice sounding so far away, like the question is coming from somewhere else, some other time or place.

Jack laughs, he laughs and he just looks at her and he's not really surprised at all because it's just one of those things she says, but he laughs anyway because he can't help it.

Absurd.

This whole thing is absurd.

[The truthful answer would be: barely. Or perhaps: how could I forget? And even still: which time?]

Claire sighs, slides an arm across his belly, stares at the ceiling fan going round and round and round. "I know what you mean," she tells him. Jack follows her gaze, wonders what kind of motel has ceiling fans anymore, tries to remember the name of the place. There have been so many. It's hard to keep track.

"Wayward, Way Lake..."

"Wayfare," she tells him. "The Wayfare Inn."

"That's right," he says, turning to face her. "Wayfare."

"Fitting," she muses, presses lips to his, "for once." She's naked against him, and though he had told himself an hour ago they were just stopping to get some rest, they haven't quite made it that far.

"I don't know," Jack looks at his sister, his voice sounding grave. "Maybe the first guess would have worked better," he tells her. "For us."

"You're probably right," she agrees, but her voice is cutting, hurt, and she turns away from him on the bed, tells him she's tired.

"I'm going to take a shower," he says. To wash the stink off, he doesn't say.

Later, he'll apologize.

[For reminding her.]

Later, he'll kiss her eyelids and tell her he loves her.

[She'll forget. She always does.]

-

They travel east, and Claire wears these white flip flops that collect dust and dirt from the road. Whenever they stop for gas or to get something to eat, to stretch their legs, they just get dirtier and dirtier. Jack keeps telling her to buy different shoes, but she persists. She tells them they're comfortable, tells him she'll get something else when it gets colder.

Sometimes they sleep in the front cab of the old pick-up truck they found cheap in a no-name town. When he sleeps, Jack almost always dreams of Claire's dirty feet, ankles hooked together around his waist. He wakes hard, aching, and his moving around is enough to wake Claire, to alert her of his condition.

She only smiles, reaches for him.

He fucks her in the front seat of that old truck, up against the passenger door, he fucks her until the only thing behind his eyes is stars and tears. This is a familiar scenario. This is nothing new. But it never feels less like he's going to hell, and that only makes him come harder.

Claire never asks him what he dreams about. She never asks him when they're going to go home. She just reads maps, points to towns she thinks might be interesting, steers their course, drives during the day, helps him slow down when he's going too fast.

-

Claire insists they stop at any fruit and vegetable stands they see. And one afternoon she begs him to let her take a puppy from the litter being given away beside the tomatoes and the melons.

"They're just mutts," he tells her. "Farm mutts."

"In that case," she says, "I'll have two. A boy and a girl. Brother and sister."

Jack takes her hand, kisses her knuckles. "Okay," he says. "You've convinced me."

The tiny, spotted dogs sleep between them in the truck most of the day, and they make it harder to find a place to stay at night, but Jack doesn't mind. It makes Claire happy. And in a way it feels like their own little family -- one that they don't have to be ashamed of.

Sometimes he catches her eye when she's watching them play, and he sees in her face the girl he used to know. The girl who was just a girl, and not someone who's experienced all that they have.

"Have you decided on names yet?" he asks.

"Not yet." And she smiles when one of them knocks the other over, "Not just yet."

-

One afternoon, they pull off in an empty field. They eat in the truck bed, watch the puppies playing in the waning sunlight, racing through the grass.

"Days are getting shorter," Jack tells her, takes a grape from her plate.

Claire stretches her leg out and wiggles her flip flop in his direction. "You'll be rid of these soon."

Jack laughs, lies back against the hard metal. "I think I'll miss them," he tells her. She makes a face and rolls her eyes, but he reaches for her wrist and pulls her into his lap. They're far enough from the road that when Claire undoes his pants, and he slides her white skirt up, pushing her cotton panties aside to expose her enough to allow him to thrust his cock inside, that no one will see them, no one will witness this. Luckily their frantic movements go unnoticed, and Jack slides a callused thumb over her clit, not wanting to prolong the risk for much longer. The sound she makes in response is worth the rush, and after a moment or two, Claire bites down on his neck as she comes, tearing at the material at the back of his t-shirt. Jack calls out something that sounds like her name, joins her, spills into her when she clenches around him.

After, there's a calm, a silence neither of them had noticed before.

Just the earth, and sky, and the two of them.

Empty and full at the same time.

-

Later, just after the sun's gone down, Claire helps the puppies back into the cab of the truck. "Zeus and Hera," she says, after she climbs into the passenger seat. "That's what I'll call them."

Jack nods, considering the names, but Claire can tell he doesn't understand.

"In Greek mythology they were brother and sister," she explains. "And husband and wife."

A slow crooked smile tugs at the corners of Jack's mouth.

"I like that," he tells her. "I like that a lot."

Claire doesn't bother mentioning that, in the stories, Hera didn't seem to like Zeus all that much. And it doesn't really matter anyway. For Claire, it's a symbolic, quiet way of remembering who they are -- of remembering a truth she no longer wants to forget.

"Me too," she says, ruffling Zeus behind the ears. "The perfect fit."

-

They're driving through a mountain pass one night after a full day of sleeping and fucking, and Claire reaches across, her fingers resting at the back of Jack's neck, twisting in his short hair.

"What are your dreams of?" he asks her, after a beat.

It is Claire's turn to laugh this time.

"You," she says simply. "Only you."

-fin

Comments

[gigglemonster.livejournal.com]

OH MY HEART! I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!
I can't even...words..they fail me. This is so gorgeous.
This line especially, just kills me

This is a familiar scenario. This is nothing new. But it never feels less like he's going to hell, and that fact only makes him come harder.

Hot and wow and oh Jack.
The imagery in this is stunning. I love the details of the dirty flip flops and Claire's reasons for naming the puppies. And that last section *flails* SO GOOD.

I love your brain like insane amounts right now. <333

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Honestly this was supposed to be about 300 words tops for comment fic and it just kept growing. But I'm glad it worked out. I don't remember the last time I wrote something this long for the two of them.

Thank you! ♥! My brain loves you back! (That sounds terribly unromantic, lol.)

[zelda-zee.livejournal.com]

Lovely! I so enjoyed this. I especially liked the doggies.

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Thank you Z! I'm so glad! ♥!

[squeakyboots.livejournal.com]

Great! Especially the "Zeus and Hera" part & Jack not knowing who they were.

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you like this.

I guess more than not knowing who they were he simply didn't know their relationship to each other or why Claire would pick the names. Before she explained they were just names to him. I hope that makes sense.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! :)

[squeakyboots.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what I meant! I meant to say that it seemed in character that Jack wouldn't know much about them--and Claire might, since she tends to be one of the "mystics" on the show (i.e. into astrology, superstition etc.)

[ozmissage.livejournal.com]

PUPPIES!

Wait, sorry I got distracted. ;)

I absolutely adore this, thank you so much for pointing it out to me! I missed yesterday in all the Lost madness. You write hands down, the best road fics ever. I always feel like I'm sitting in the car next to the characters watching everything unfold.

Claire's flip flops gathering dirt along the way was such a beautiful image and I love that it bugs Jack. The way his guilt and happiness keep colliding felt so real and achy.

He fucks her in the front seat of that old truck, up against the passenger side door, he fucks her until the only thing behind his eyes is stars and tears.

GUH. I mean I don't even have words to tell you how perfect that is. And then you went and added puppies and she named them Zeus and Hera. Amazing fic.

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, you're forgiven for getting distracted. Puppies can do that.

Well thank you so much for reading it. I was beginning to think something was wrong with it. I don't know why but road fics are my favorite, I think it's something to do with the transitory nature of them. I love the atmosphere and the idea that the only thing that is familiar is each other. So I am really really stoked that this worked for you in that way.

*grins*

I am pleased you're pleased! Thank you for taking the time to comment!

[angela-weber.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is gorgeous! I'm seriously in love with the way you write them, how they're always moving forwards but just can't move away from each other. Your Jack voice is fantastic, but what's even better is the amazing atmosphere that you've created here, kind of lonely and sad and maybe just a little bit creepy. Your fics always have so much personality, so much originality. This might be my favorite. Again: GORGEOUS.

[crickets.livejournal.com]

♥! You flatter me! I'm so happy this worked. I'm so happy I wrote something this long with them. It's been a while!

[holycitygirl.livejournal.com]

I really love the last bit. The whole thing is sort of achy, realistic, and melancholy in the best possible way. Again, I love the eye kissing. And the puppies. Of course I love the puppies.

And the field sex. ;)

Yeah, what more could a person ask for?

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Haha I hadn't even noticed that I'd included eye-kissing in both of those. I guess maybe that's a thing? I guess that's a thing, lol. Thank you so much for coming to read this, I'm glad you liked it! I have this whole new found inspiration in terms of writing them again. It's a good feeling.

Thank you! ♥

[lenina20.livejournal.com]

Wow! First: sorry for the late reply (rl sucks). Second: wow. wow. this is so perfect - it's complex and beautiful and so significant! I love the pace, sometimes frantic and sometimes not - the sexiness of it, too. Maybe we're going down to hell with them, but certainly the ride will be worth it. It's so beautiful - the entire piece, the language, the silences, the dirty, like the flip-flops. Wonderful. This was perfect. I loved it so much. Once again, sorry for the lateness!

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Oh no that's totally okay! Now my reply to your reply is just as late [probably moreso] so no worries! I'm so glad you liked this as much as you did! Yeah maybe we are heading there too, but you know, I don't so much care, hahaha. Thank you for echoing that sentiment.

[30_rock_office.livejournal.com]

Best Jack/Claire I've ever read. <3

[crickets.livejournal.com]

Aw, wow. That's an amazing compliment! Thank you so very much!

[lovegood.livejournal.com]

Ho. Ly. CRAP.

I was looking through your tags and found this gem. I can't say I ever even considered this pairing, so apparently i"m late to the party. But I think you may have even converted me! Excellent job! Love the nomadic existence and the puppies and mythology and UGH. Need I say more?